


One And Only

by StellarLibraryLady



Series: Star Trek Incandescent Hearts [42]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Humor, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Betrayal, Blues, Blues Singing, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Friendship issues, Haunting Song, Humor, Kissing, Loss of Trust, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Singing, Some Humor, Song: One And Only, Soul-Searching, Spin the Bottle, Surprise Kissing, Torch Song, Trust Issues, Unconscious Humor, song related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 05:16:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16190855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarLibraryLady/pseuds/StellarLibraryLady
Summary: An ill-advised First Kiss during a childish game has probably ruined McCoy's chances with Spock, because McCoy knows that he has betrayed Spock's trust for a moment's pleasure.Appeared in Spiced Peaches LIV.





	One And Only

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by "One And Only" by Adele.
> 
> for tempest aka platohomer

‘You’ve been on my mind  
I grow fonder every day  
Lose myself in time  
Just thinking of your face.’

McCoy should’ve never had those lyrics going through his head that day. They must’ve been what put that stupid idea in his head. He realized, even as he acted, that he would’ve never done something so rash if he’d only thought. But there was that damn haunting song by Adele echoing in his mind urging him to take action and Spock looking so vulnerable and tempting and so very, very available.

‘Come on and give me the chance  
To prove that I am the one who can walk that mile  
Until the end starts.’

Yeah, it looked like an opportunity too golden to pass up. That’s what happens when a guy goes thinking with his heart instead of his mind. Actually, it was probably because he was thinking with his penis that had caused the most trouble. But a person tries to clean up his motives for face value, if anything else.

'God only knows why it's take me  
So long to let my doubts go  
You're the only one that I want.'

Well, now McCoy knew what it was like to kiss Spock, human-style, on the lips. No rubbing fingers together with the Vulcan like they were trying to produce fire or something stupid like that. No, sirree! Not him! Just lay a big smackeroo on Spock’s mouth and let the chips fall where they may! But now he had new questions and new problems. And, he expected, so did Spock.

McCoy hadn’t intended a First Kiss between them to happen during a game, especially a game with other people in attendance. Heaven only knew how often he had pictured the intimacy between him and the friend he both loved and hated and couldn’t get out of his mind. But he probably had never pictured their first intimacy in quite this fashion.

And he certainly hadn’t intended for Spock to be the butt of a joke. But several of the crew had been playing that silly kids’ game with him when Spock had happened along and been asked to join. McCoy should’ve protected Spock because he almost certainly felt that Spock had no idea about the rules of Spin The Bottle or its real purpose. But an angel had been smiling down on McCoy (or perhaps a demon) for it had been McCoy’s turn to spill the bottle. And whether angel or demon was influencing that bottle, it finally came to rest pointing at Spock.

Spock. Innocent, simple, sweet Spock who had no idea about the catcalls and whoops of congratulation to McCoy that had immediately erupted. Spock who had watched McCoy, his dueling partner, but nonetheless a person he trusted, stand, straighten his uniform, and step toward him while the cheers continued. Spock hadn’t realized what was going to happen until McCoy bent, grabbed his shoulders, and kissed him richly on the lips.

McCoy had blurred out for a moment while Adele's song continued to thunder in his head. The lyrics had made his blood boil while he was momentarily feeling the warm Vulcan lips under his. So tender, so yielding, so his! Then Adele and her throbbing music had clicked off, and McCoy had awakened to the hoots and taunts of the other players. The silence in McCoy's head rang with its emptiness. But that was unimportant now.

For all that he had been conscious of was the look of betrayal on Spock’s face that had cut McCoy to the heart. That, and the catcalls of their crewmates were quite sufficient to snuff out anything else for a good, long while.

McCoy had a feeling that he wouldn't be hearing from Adele for awhile, either. For romance lay gasping its last breaths in the ashes of McCoy's heart.

Then McCoy had fled. Fled from Spock, from Spock’s humiliation, from their friendship crumbling around him. But worse than anything was the guilt of knowing that he had betrayed a friend by not protecting him. And the momentary thrill of claiming those exotic alien lips at last did not stay beyond his pulling away from them. What should have been treasured forever, their First Kiss, was tarnished and tainted from that day forth.

And McCoy had lost a friend. He just knew it. And why shouldn’t he? McCoy had been the one who had betrayed their friendship, not Spock.

So McCoy deduced, quite correctly, that Spock would want nothing further to do with him. So McCoy decided to avoid Spock as much as possible. And that meant staying away from living. And this consequence seemed, oh, so familiar. He and affairs of the heart just didn't last long. But this was some kind of record, even for McCoy. He wouldn't try to resurrect that ghost.

‘I don’t know why I’m scared  
‘Cause I’ve been here before  
With every feeling, every word  
I’ve been here before.’

Of course, McCoy’s self-imposed ban on himself in Spock’s presence extended to the places he generally saw Spock: the Bridge and Mess Hall. The third, Sickbay, he handled by pushing Spock off onto Chapel.

Bless her, Chapel knew about the botched First Kiss (as surely most of the crew had heard about by now) and took over busily when Spock appeared with a severely burned arm a few days later. All was well until McCoy mumbled an excuse and took time to catch his breath in his office. Then he noticed that he was shaking.

How severe were Spock’s burns? Could Chapel (though trained by himself and as capable as he was to handle burn trauma) stop infection, ease Spock’s evident pain, and prevent scarring as well as he could?

McCoy pressed himself against the door, not to hear so much as to be leaning against something solid that would support him. Spock was just on the other side of that door. McCoy could hear Chapel's higher-pitched voice and Spock's lower one. McCoy closed his eyes. So near. So near, and yet so far.

Please, please, ask for me, ask for me to help you. Let me be at least that much for you.

But Spock didn't. Instead, Adele showed up for an unexpected, but brief encore.

‘I know it ain’t easy giving up your heart.’

Hell, McCoy had shot himself in the foot again. That discovery wasn’t necessarily a good thing, either. Spock was probably the person least likely to be a good match for him. McCoy needed someone stable, not someone as messed up emotionally as he was.

‘I promise I’m worthy.’

And of course there was Jim Kirk. When McCoy stopped his routine of daily visits to the Bridge and eating most of his meals with Spock and him, he decided that McCoy must have some work-related project that was compromising his time. When considerable time had passed and McCoy still did not make appearances, Kirk began to wonder what in the hell was going on. He didn't like messy details, especially when it came to his crew.

And Jim Kirk didn’t mince words when he finally flushed McCoy out of his hidey-hole.

“Got new friends, Bones?” he snipped. Kirk knew he sounded petty. Hell, why not?! He was feeling petty. But justified.

He might as well have demanded to know McCoy’s real secret, because McCoy treated him to a vivid display of all types of color changes in his face from dead white to blush pink to dark red. Kirk checked McCoy's collar to see if it had suddenly tightened around McCoy's neck and was choking him.

“Interesting,” Kirk muttered. “Wonder what I’d get if I asked you to change color? Would you then answer my original question?”

“I don’t know what I can tell you, Jim,” McCoy mumbled, wishing not to elaborate.

“How about the truth?”

“What is truth, Jim?”

“My question, exactly!”

“No, I mean, have you ever considered what is a true statement? One man’s lie could be another man’s truth, couldn’t it?”

“Don’t start that double-talk with me! I’m not Spock!”

“Yeah,” McCoy said wistfully. “I’ve noticed.” McCoy was plainly hurting and needing solace badly. Men can be such whiners.

But Kirk was pissed off and getting more so by the minute. He was not interested in using any means at his disposal to soothe or placate McCoy, despite McCoy’s obvious discomfort. Kirk shot diplomacy out the window. He was tired of pussyfooting around. He wanted answers.

“And I don’t know how I could ask my original question any plainer,” Kirk snipped. “Where have you been lately?”

“I’ve been busy,” McCoy mumbled back. “It’s been making me tired.”

“Yeah, I can imagine that it takes a lot of energy to ignore your friends.”

McCoy closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Where was Adele when he needed her? He needed the rhythm of her plaintive music to make sense of this conversation with Kirk. But Adele was maddeningly silent and kept her own consul.

“Not even your Pained Lady imitation is going to help you now, Doctor.”

McCoy huffed and turned away.

“Or your exasperated teenager pout, either,” Kirk snipped.

Then McCoy decided that he’d had enough badgering, too. “What the hell is your problem today, Kirk?!” he demanded with snapping eyes as he turned back with battle flags unfurled and snapping in the rising breeze that was suddenly rolling off him in angry waves.

“Now there’s my real question,” Kirk answered. “What the hell is your problem?! Not just for today, but for a couple of weeks now. Where have you been keeping yourself?! You’ve been as scarce as a clear view in the Smokey Mountains.”

McCoy twisted his head and an amused look crossed his face. “And you’re certainly poetic.”

“I get that way when I get frustrated,” Kirk muttered. “Look. I just wanna know what you’re not being sociable anymore.”

McCoy looked down. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Yeah, I expect you don’t,” Kirk muttered. “But you are.” He studied McCoy’s scowl. McCoy was either pissed off or had a sour stomach. And right now, Kirk didn’t really care which one it was. “How come I think that this whole mess concerns Spock. And that kiss you gave him.”

McCoy’s eyes shot up. “So you’ve heard about that.”

“Heard about it?! It’s all over the ship! I’d be hard to miss news like that! That’s the juiciest bit of gossip to hit the Enterprise grapevine in months! Didn’t you think that people would react to something like that?! People notice what their officers do, from wearing untidy uniforms to kissing each other on the mouth! Besides that, it was WHO you kissed! It was Spock! Didn’t you think that he might object?!”

“You got that part right at least.”

“What part? That Spock might object?”

“The part where I didn’t think,” McCoy answered miserably. “I saw my chance and without thinking took it for a moment’s pleasure. And, believe me, it was only a moment. I don't even remember that much about it. And now I’ve made a hash out of everything, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“You do, too, know what to do about it,” Kirk rebuked. “But you can’t bring yourself to do it. That’s why you’re hating your own guts and are hiding away while you're punishing yourself.”

McCoy turned away.

“You know what you have to do as well as I do, Bones. You know what to do to make things right between you two again. You know what to do so you’ll forgive yourself. That's gonna be the difficult part, because you hate what you did to someone who trusted you.”

McCoy grimaced.

“Bones, he’s hurting, too,” Kirk said softly. “Did you ever think of that? He’s hurting and doesn’t know what to do about it, either. He hasn’t had the experience and training in emotions the way we have.”

“Yes, I’ve thought about it,” McCoy growled. “And it bothers me because I know that I’m the one who did this thing to him.”

Kirk touched McCoy shoulder. “Do what’s right. For both of you. Then, maybe when you get that mess all squared away with him, you can eventually tackle what brought you to do something like that to him. But first things first. Mend your friendship with the guy so you both can stop hurting. Help him, so you can redeem yourself.”

 

Spock didn’t particularly acknowledge McCoy’s presence once the doctor was inside his quarters.

“Do you wish to seat yourself?” Spock finally asked, sounding offhanded, as he seated himself.

“Thank you.” About time, McCoy thought. Damn Vulcan is acting preoccupied, like he’s trying to empty his mind. Then McCoy realized the probable cause for that. “Did I interrupt your meditating? If I did, I’ll--”

“No.” Spock kept a deadpan look on his face as he gave McCoy his attention but didn’t quite look at him, either. He seemed to have something spotted just beyond the outside of McCoy’s left ear that was going to require a large amount of concentrated study.

Like he’s in a damn trance, McCoy thought. Is it really that possible to wipe that much emotion off the face? Maybe Spock was trying to keep wrinkles from forming by keeping a blank countenance. If that’s what he was doing, he should’ve started quicker. Wrinkles were well on their way, especially around the mouth.

That mouth…. That gorgeous mouth…. That gorgeous, gorgeous--

“Did you come here to meditate, Doctor? You seem to be going into a trance.”

“What? Oh.” McCoy brought himself out of it. Apparently, he’d been doing his share of staring, also. Hopefully it was also past Spock’s ear and not on that tempting mouth of his. “No, sorry. No. Not to meditate.”

“I thought perhaps that you were wishing a quiet place to gather your thoughts.”

“Well, it does concern my thoughts, but it wasn’t to gather them.”

“Ah, riddles.” The flash of momentary interest faded and Spock swung his head aside. “Sorry, I do not wish to seek out riddles nor do I wish to try to solve them. I have enough to occupy my mind at present, thank you.” Even if the words didn’t sound prissy enough, the tone did.

Damn snippy, McCoy decided. But maybe the guy had a good reason. “Look, it’s about what has your mind occupied that I’ve come here.”

Spock looked startled, then awed and impressed. “You have been concerned with quantum mechanics as of late, also? That is amazing.”

“What? No! No! Not quantum mechanics.”

“Oh.” Spock seemed disappointed.

“Look, I’ve, ah, come here to, ah, apologize.”

“For what? For not thinking about quantum mechanics when I thought you had been?”

“No, no, not that. For--” McCoy grimaced. He couldn’t come out and say it. He shrugged. “You know.”

Spock looked disappointed. “No, I do not. If it is not quantum mechanics, I have no idea what it could be.”

“Oh, stop playing dumb! I feel bad enough the way it is!”

“I assure you, Doctor, that I am not playing. I am dumb about this.”

“Oh, hell!” McCoy muttered as he wiped a hand over his face. “How did I ever get in a discussion with someone so literal?!”

Spock looked wild. “That is the question that I am now supposed to answer?”

McCoy opened his mouth to continue his rant against the puzzled alien when he suddenly snapped his jaws shut and his eyes bugged out. He was about to yell his frustration of being in an argument with someone who didn’t even know the rules of arguing, when it struck him that he didn’t want to be in an argument with someone who knew the rules. He wanted to be in an argument with Spock. As frustrating as Spock could be, he was unique. Why would McCoy want to give any of that up for simple understanding from the other guy?

“No,” McCoy said softly. “No, I don’t expect that at all.”

“Thank you,” Spock said with obvious relief.

McCoy decided to get right to it. “Look, the other day I did something I shouldn’t have.”

The puzzled look was back on Spock’s face. It was almost like watching an old-fashioned card sorter going through a stack of cards and depositing them into proper slots. But Spock was still coming up empty of ideas.

“Something I did wrong to you,” McCoy hinted.

The card sorting started again in Spock’s mind without much luck, but masses of cards were being sorted like crazy.

“When I kissed you, damn it! When I kissed you and embarrassed the hell outa you! Remember now?!”

Spock jerked, and invisible cards went flying every which way.

“Oh.”

“Yeah! That!”

“I was not embarrassed,” Spock said, squirming.

“Liar! You’re squirming! You’re about as bad at lying as you are with handling your emotions now! Well, I’m sorry about that, too! I’m sorry about so many things I'm probably not even responsible for,” McCoy said miserably. “But mostly I’m sorry I betrayed you.” There it was out. He'd said it.

A weight was lifted. McCoy felt like he’d float off the chair if he didn’t hang onto it. He didn’t realize that he been feeling so guilty about betraying Spock. Here he thought it was about kissing him. In fact, McCoy hadn’t realized it until he’d just confessed that the betrayal far outweighed the kiss. Jim Kirk had been right.

Now Spock just had to accept the apology. But “Oh,” was all that he replied.

“Oh? What do you mean by ‘oh?’”

Spock’s eyes gave up the study of McCoy’s ear and actually made it to McCoy’s face. In particular, to McCoy’s eyes where the Vulcan tried to remain uncommitted. But that was difficult for a Vulcan or anybody who hasn’t had much practice in deception.

“Just that,” Spock answered. “Oh.”

“This was a bad idea,” McCoy muttered as he jumped to his feet and headed for the door.

“Wait. Where are you going? Into hiding again?”

That stopped McCoy. For a clueless Vulcan, Spock had suddenly sounded very astute.

“What do you care? You don’t want to be around me anyway.”

“How do you know what I want?”

“Now I’m the one who has to be guessing? I don’t like this game.”

“Your game. You started it. You can surely play it.”

McCoy stared at him. “Are you jerking me around?”

“I believe that is what you were doing to me during the game with the bottle.”

McCoy frowned. “You think I deliberately kissed you to humiliate you?”

“Everyone laughed.”

“That’s because they were startled. And, ah, maybe because we didn’t laugh it off.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“They realized that it meant something to us.”

And just by saying it, McCoy knew it was true. And just by saying it, McCoy got cold feet. And that’s when the music and the words started in his head again. And he could hear Adele singing the old torch song clear as day. Either her timing was bad, or his was. He had a hunch that it was his and that Adele was here right on cue.

‘I don’t know why I’m scared  
‘Cause I’ve been here before  
With every feeling and every word  
I’ve imagined it all  
You never know if you never try  
To forget your past and simply be mine.’

“Look, this really is a bad idea. I’m sorry I bothered you. I’ll get outa here and leave you alone.”

Spock frowned.

‘I dare you to let me be your, your one and only  
I promise I’m worthy  
To hold in your arms….’

“Doctor?” Spock asked as he stood with a frown. “What is the matter? You look pale.”

“Look, it’s nothing.” McCoy groped for the door that had suddenly moved out of his reach. “I gotta get outa here.”

But Adele was softly wheedling. ‘Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close?’

I gotta stay! Please let me stay! Adele is right!

Spock took a step. His concern had deepened. “Doctor?”

“Nothing. It’s nothing.”

But he wasn’t acting like it was nothing, and Spock realized it.

‘And have you tell me  
Whichever road I choose you’ll go.’

Shut up, Adele!

“Gotta go--”

But Spock’s arms were preventing passage. “Stay.”

“W-what?”

“Stay, so I will not worry about you.”

"You have been worried? About me?"

"I always worry about you, especially now."

“But the kiss…. I hurt you.”

“It hurt me more when I thought that you did not mean it.”

“Really? So it wasn’t the kiss?”

“It was the lack of sincerity that I thought went with it.”

“How about if, if it was sincere?”

“That would make quite a difference then.”

“It would? I mean, it would.” The heights were dizzying out over this deep canyon for McCoy, and the thin rope he was teetering on was slippery. “And it was sincere, if you want it to be." He took a chance. "'Cause I sure want it to be.”

Spock looked him straight in the eye, and McCoy realized that Spock was taking a chance, too.

“I want it to be, too,” Spock vowed.

McCoy wet his lips, then finally nodded. “Okay. Okay, fine with me.”

Spock nodded back.

“Ah--” McCoy wasn’t sure what they did next.

But Spock knew. Spock and Adele knew, that is.

‘I know it ain’t easy--’ she sang.

Spock held out his arms. “Doctor? Dance with me?”

And McCoy knew that he wasn’t the only one hearing the sultry singing in the room. He knew that Adele was here for both of them.

‘--giving up your heart.’

Then McCoy moved into the arms waiting for him, and he sighed in contentment. It was the first time in days that he felt complete again.

‘...let me be your one and only’

“You meant the kiss?” Spock wanted to know again.

“I meant the kiss,” McCoy assured him.

“I am glad,” Spock informed him.

“So am I.”

Then they just let Adele do their talking for them as they held each other close and swayed to the music in their hearts.

‘So come on and give me the chance  
To prove that I am the one who can walk that mile  
Until the end starts  
Now.’

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing of Star Trek, its characters, and/or its story lines. I do not represent Adele nor do I own anything of "One And Only."


End file.
